dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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