she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
