just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
