Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
