Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
