I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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