I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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