I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
