So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
