I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
