Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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