Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
