Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
