I want to walk on stilts...naked
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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