I'm drive I can fine osifer
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
