too bad you live with your parents still
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
