I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
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Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
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I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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