I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
