we're chasing vodka with high fives
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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