found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
