I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
