watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
