dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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