Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
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I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
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Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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