he wants to bone in the snuggie
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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