there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
