Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
