There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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