Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
