Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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