I can't watch pbs sober anymore
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
