just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
