i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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