Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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