Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just found a bag of teeth...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
