please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My ATM looks so different sober.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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