Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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