we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
