you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
