I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?