He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!