My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
