I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.