we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We talked him into tasing himself.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!