I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is