ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
