I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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