Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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