You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
