i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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