I only kidnapped one of them. chill
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
