please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
