You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
how does that bad decision feel?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
