Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
