I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
