did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
