I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
