So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
