I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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