If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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