He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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