well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
