omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
