It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
