Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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