did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
