Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
