yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
